| |
Characters: SKIPPER, GABE, VOICE
Place: The beach of a desert island.
SCENE ONE:
GABE: Can we fix it, Skipper?
SKIPPER: It’s a miracle we made it to the beach.
GABE: What can we do?
SKIPPER: Wait for a ship to pass.
GABE: And how long will that take?
SKIPPER: We need to salvage what we can from the ship and build a shelter.
GABE: How long?
SKIPPER: Maybe ten years.
GABE: Daaaaaaaaah!
SCENE TWO:
GABE: What did we get?
SKIPPER: Trashbags, a bit of rope (SKIPPER takes out a very small, thin, length of rope.) and
80 cans of sardines.
GABE: Ahh, (Gravely.) sardines.
SKIPPER: We’re very lucky.
GABE: You live in a boat and you buy canned fish?
SKIPPER: I like sardines.
GABE: Ha, YUCK! I hate them. I even hate the word. (Gravely.) “Sardines.” EW! Did
you find anything else?
SKIPPER: Like what?
GABE: How ‘bout a radio?
SKIPPER: It’s broken.
GABE: Any good news?
SKIPPER: Aha, yes, YES! We have Monopoly.
GABE : Dah!
SCENE THREE:
(SKIPPER is off stage. GABE looks up a tree at him.)
GABE: What do you see?
SKIPPER (Looks around, pauses.): Water.
GABE: Nothing else?
SKIPPER: It’s really pretty. You should come up and see it.
GABE: I’m hungry.
SKIPPER: Me too. Sardines?
GABE: Daaha!
SCENE FOUR:
(GABE and SKIPPER sit down next to each other. Long awkward silence.)
SKIPPER: You know the cool thing about Monopoly?
GABE: What?
SKIPPER: It lasts a long time. You can play for hours and hours; the time just flies by.
GABE: Our house used to play it when I was a kid.
SKIPPER: Mine too. You want to play?
GABE: Sure.
SKIPPER: Great. Uh. . . oh. Ah . . .
GABE: What? What? What? Missing pieces?
SKIPPER: It’s Scrabble.
GABE: Dah!
SCENE FIVE:
GABE: “Cravat?”
SKIPPER: Yeah.
GABE: What kinda word is that?
SKIPPER: A word.
GABE: How come I never heard it before?
SKIPPER: Nobody knows all the words.
GABE: What does it mean?
SKIPPER: “Cravat?” Tie.
GABE: It’s suspect.
SKIPPER: It’s just old.
GABE: Uhuh!
SKIPPER: It’s still a word.
GABE: Prove it.
SKIPPER: How?
GABE: Look it up.
SKIPPER: Fine. (Pause.) On what?
GABE (Long pause): Ok, “Cravat” but you owe me one. My turn. Ha! What do you
think of that?
SKIPPER: What?!
GABE: What?!
SKIPPER: That’s not a word.
GABE: Sure it is.
SKIPPER: “Poohoven?”
GABE: Yeah, sure.
SKIPPER: What does it mean?
GABE: What, “Poohoven?” (SKIPPER nods.) It’s from Latin words. Literally, it means
“to step in shit.” It means you’re screwed.
SKIPPER: Ok.
GABE: Double points!
SKIPPER: Dah!
SCENE SIX:
SKIPPER: “A”, “G”, “U”, “S”- Haggis.
GABE: Haggis?
SKIPPER: Sure.
GABE: Where do you get these words?
SKIPPER: Scotland.
GABE: But the game is supposed to be in English.
SKIPPER: Scottish, English, potato, potahto.
GABE: You’re pushing it.
SKIPPER: Never mind, then. I’ll –
GABE: Wait a minute! It’s ok; I’ll allow it.
SKIPPER: “Esop?” What’s that?
GABE: Wait.
SKIPPER: It’s funny how every word you put down gets rid of all your letters.
GABE: Look.
SKIPPER: “Esop- haggis?” (He laughs.) There’s no way -
GABE: It’s “Esophagus.”
SKIPPER: Oh . . .yeah.
GABE: That’s a word isn’t it? (SKIPPER nods.) Triple points.
SKIPPER: Dah!
SCENE SEVEN:
(Some time has passed. Their hair and beards are long and their
clothes are unkempt. GABE looks cautiously over the board.)
GABE: Ehraaaahlseh—t.
SKIPPER: “Eralset?”
GABE: “Eralset.”
SKIPPER: “Eralset”. (Twirls his finger next to his head.)
SKIPPER: Sveek “eralset”?
GABE: Sveek “Eralset”? “Eralset” eri . . .”Stranded.”
SKIPPER: “Stranded?”
GABE (Walking around the space and indicating the sea surrounding them): “Eralset.”
SKIPPER: “Eralset.” You’re das good at this game. I can’t, I can’t tondush.
GABE: “Tondush”, “Tondush?” ah “Win.” Nem, nem, nem, you can.
SKIPPER: I have Ipkis.
GABE: Ipkis? Nem! Lemme see. “O”,”O”, “G”, “W”, “N.” hhmmmmm. Ah! Ogle!
G-ohhhhh-wahhn- “Gowan.” Ha!
SKIPPER: “Gowan!” Ooooh! (Slaps his forehead.) “Gowan.” “Gowan.” Ha! Sveek
“Gowan?”
GABE: “Gowan?” Hmm. “Gowan” eri…”Help.” If you’re ever in Shpivi you shout
“Gowan!” and someone comes.
SKIPPER: Oh yeah, eri “Help.”
GABE: Yeah, “Help!”
SKIPPER: “Gowan!” (SKIPPER playfully enacts a scene where he is drowning.) Gowan!
GABE: (Acting heroically): Gowan?
(GABE enacts saving SKIPPER. GABE acts as if he is hanging from a cliff.)
GABE (Continuing): GOWAN! GOWAN!
SKIPPER: (Acting heroically): Hmmm?
GABE: Gowan!
SKIPPER: Ah?
(SKIPPER acts as if he is pulling him up. After a moment SKIPPER enacts choking.)
GABE: Wha?
(SKIPPER points to his throat.)
GABE (Continuing): GOWON?
(SKIPPER nods and GABE gets behind him acting like he’s giving him the Heimlich
Maneuver. They jump up and down celebrating, shouting out their new word.)
SCENE EIGHT:
(SKIPPER and GABE are older and stiffening. They wear trash-bag smocks instead of normal
clothes. GABE hums and la di dahs a happy song. SKIPPER mimes changing the station, making
static sounds and starts to dum di dum a sad one. GABE turns off the imaginary radio and looks
at SKIPPER.)
GABE: Sveek sa matter?
SKIPPER: Ipkis.
(SKIPPER turns the radio back on and continues his maudlin song. GABE turns it off.)
GABE: Nem, nem, neri ipkis.
SKIPPER: Eri…don.
(SKIPPER crosses to the radio and GABE stops him.)
GABE: Don?
SKIPPER: Don, Don. Don eri…(Pointing between them.) “us.”
GABE: Aaah, “don.” Svik sa matter mit don? Don ok.
SKIPPER: Na Tweri nem ok.
GABE: Tweri ok.
SKIPPER: Nah, tweri nem.
GABE: Vat?
SKIPPER: Tweri eralset.
GABE: Ah.
(GABE turns the radio back on and they both hum the maudlin tune.)
SCENE NINE:
(GABE and SKIPPER are older still and becoming frail.
The sound of a helicopter in the distance.)
SKIPPER: Ogle!
GABE: Ogle Ha?
SKIPPER (Pointing out): Ha! Ha! Eri na Helicopter.
GABE: Helicopter?….Ha! HA! NA Helicopter!
VOICE: Do you guys need help?
GABE: Help?
SKIPPER: Gowon. GOWON!
GABE/SKIPPER: GOWON! GOWON!!!
SKIPPER: Gowon, please.
VOICE: Are you sure?
GABE: Don tweri. Don tweri eralset.
GABE /SKIPPER: Don tweri eralset! Don tweri eralset!
VOICE: You’re all set? Ok.
GABE/SKIPPER: Gowon! Gowon!
GABE: PLEASE GOWON!
(The sound of a helicopter departing.)
SKIPPER: Gowon…go… (Long pause.) Gabe?
GABE: Vat?
SKIPPER: Tweri Poohoven.
GABE: Yeah. (Pause.) Scrabble?
SKIPPER (Looks at GABE. Long pause.): OK.
THE END
|
| |
Michael J. Grady is a Boston area playwright, stand-up comic, performance artist, and
educator. His work has been produced at Boston’s Pavilion Theatre, Emerson College’s
Circle and Cabaret Theatres, at the Accademia Dell’Arte in Arezzo, Italy.
|
